Today marks the anniversary of my father’s passing.
Despite the years that have passed and his absence, love still endures. It’s a lesson he taught me through his departure.
A few years ago, someone made me question whether the image I and my siblings held of our father was an idealized version, more a figment of desire than a flesh-and-blood person.
Since then, I’ve pondered this possibility. Have I stripped my father of his humanity, attributing qualities that weren’t truly his, or ignored his faults?
I’ve revisited memories of him, searching for flaws that would humanize him, without much success. Could it be that we all, his nine children, have painted an unrealistic portrait of a simply ordinary man?
Perhaps so. Maybe my father was just an average man, with fleeting moments of heroism that faded quickly. But what truly mattered was how he treated others in his daily life, how he carried himself with impeccable behavior.
My parents shared a joyful relationship. When my father was home (an Iberia pilot), they were inseparable. They found happiness in each other’s company, always together. It’s hard for me to recall a time when they were apart. Can one idealize a father who prioritizes time with his wife over any personal pursuit?
The respect they shared was evident, as they hardly ever argued. In over thirty years of marriage, they had one minor disagreement – a rarity. Children who witness their parents engage in arguments, verbal or physical abuse, or prolonged silence may find it hard to idealize them.
My father never spoke ill of my mother, showing unwavering loyalty. It’s rare to idealize a parent who constantly criticizes the other, tarnishing the image of a perfect father.
He was always willing to lend a helping hand, never refusing a favor. To idealize a father, I believe, is difficult if they lack this innate kindness and generosity.
Loyalty defined my father, to both my mother and his principles. He staunchly defended his values, never wavering in his beliefs. How can one idealize a father who shifts his values or fails to stand by them?
His dedication to his work at Iberia was unwavering, down to the smallest detail. Intransigence and imposition can hinder the ability to idealize a father, but to cherish one who remained consistent in his values is simpler.
Despite disagreements with my father over our differing perspectives, he always admired my firm beliefs. This ability to appreciate opposing views cultivated a mutual respect between us.
Do we idealize my father? Perhaps, and rightfully so.
If we do, it’s due to his character that allowed us to see the best in him. Today’s youth face challenges in finding role models due to parent’s behaviors that don’t inspire idealization.
Adolescents seek solace in harmful habits, social media, or self-centered pursuits, stemming from a lack of guidance and inspiration from their parents. The world would benefit greatly from more parents who embody qualities worthy of idealization.
I don’t seek idealization from my children, but the thought of behaviors that might hinder that possibility terrifies me.
